I have a confession. I am vain… and also a bit of a
hypocrite.
Last post I talked about taking your eyes off the scale and focusing
on what your body can do in “The Scale of Achievement.” That’s easier said than
done, I know. Especially if your main goal is weight loss.
For spring break I
went to Bald Head Island with a group of good friends (none of whom would ever
judge me or the way I look) and I could not help but to compare myself to the
other girls. All thin, all beautiful. I pushed it out of my mind for the
majority of the trip. My diet wasn't terrible, I drank way too much, and
I wasn't completely inactive (three hikes and a couple rounds of baseball!)
However, after the vacation and when everyone had uploaded their pictures to
various social media sites, I lost it.
I looked HORRIBLE.
I sobbed.
I was angry
and I was hurt.
“What is wrong with me?!” I blubbered to my husband. I felt
cheated. I felt wronged. Here I've been working my ass off (literally, so I
thought) and for what? I've been counting calories, working out every day with
Insanity, making smart choices, etc. Not a single pound lost in the better half
of a month and, if it were possible, I felt like I looked heavier than I ever
had! WHAT GIVES?! I think I know what it must feel like for those people who
swear they’re trapped in the wrong body. The person on the inside isn't the one
reflected on the outside. After a good cry I reevaluated my routine. “What am I
doing wrong?” I looked back at my food journal and determined that that’s where
my problem must lie. I’d been eating roughly 1200-1400 calories per day and
burning about 400-500 with Insanity. I researched caloric intake and read a ton
of articles and almost all had the same theme: “Do not under eat and over
exercise!” What? Isn't that what takes off weight, eating less and exercising
more? Are these experts suggesting I eat… more?! I was pissed off and thought
“what the hell!” Obviously what I’m doing isn't working, might as well try
up-ing the calories to 2000, which is actually what the Insanity program
suggests I consume. I just figured I could get better results if I ate less. On
top of all this, Healthy Little Me had been KILLING it on her running game
(which I’m super proud of, by the way!)
This induced a flash back.
[Enter wavy
lines and dreamy music]
There I am, 4th grade, in gymnastics, probably
listening to Rump Shaker by Wreckx-N-Effect. I had just started cheerleading
and we were encouraged to start gymnastics, so my mom let me go. Everyone was
on the same level – beginners. I went for a few months. I worked my way up to a
running round off back handspring and was being taught a back tuck. I was
actually ahead of my peers. I grew bored with it. I had somehow proven
something to myself and that was enough. I quit. Flash forward to freshman year
of high school. I couldn't try out for cheerleading because a back tuck was
required. I didn't have it. I had quit too early. My friends all made it, they
had back tucks no problem! They were amazing. These girls I had begun my
cheerleading experience with, the girls I was leaps and bounds ahead of a few
years back were so far ahead of me now that I couldn't even join them in the
sport I so loved. And that’s how I discovered drill team, haha!
The point is I've had this “quit while I’m ahead”
mentality since I was little. And now my good friend, who’d persuaded me into
running, is passing me by because I quit after I’d proven to myself that I
could do it. Don’t misunderstand me, this is in no way a competition, nor am I
jealous. I’m inspired, motivated, by her commitment.
I too can achieve my goals
if I JUST STICK WITH IT.
If you take nothing else away from this post, let it
be this:
Stay the course. Stick it out. Trust the process!
Normally that mental
breakdown over the way I look in photos would have taken me out, that’s the
point I would have usually given up, throw in the towel in discouragement and
anger. Not this time. I want this for me. I want it so badly I won’t let myself
throw in the towel. The time will pass anyway I might as well make it work in
MY favor. You can do this. We ALL can do this. All it requires is time and
effort. The sun will rise tomorrow and the days will proceed whether or not
you’re committed to your goals or not. Take advantage. Just trust the process.
Stick with it. When (not if) you fall down, put it behind you and kick it’s
ass.
PS – I am down 3.5 lbs this week. I increased my
caloric intake and I’ve been running 3+ miles consistently a few days a week in
addition to the Insanity work outs.
I will not be stopped.
-see Sam run
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